Sad Desire
by CelestialAngelofSorrow
Summary: A couple years after the return of Kagome, Rin still lives sadly in the village. Her carefree spirit seems to be replaced with a more saddened, lonely one. Her desperate search for what she seeks the most is tough, will she ever find her one true desire?
1. Demons

'…_Where am I? ... It is so dark… I cannot see a thing…_

_The blackness…the silence..._

…_the air…_

…_everything, it grows so cold…'

* * *

_

"Rin? Rin…wake up dear! Hurry, a demon just came!"

She was so tired still, but reluctantly awakened from her slumber as the news Kaede just told her sunk in. Usually when a demon attacks the village, the Inutachi and Kaede would take care of the demon while she attended to anyone that was hurt. It was odd that one came so early in the morning, though. Nonetheless, she rose from her futon rather quickly.

"Where is it? Are Kagome and Inuyasha there yet? What about Sango and Miroku?"

"Yes, they came and destroyed it," Kaede assured, "but beforehand a villager got hurt trying to fight it off, he is badly injured. Kagome and Inuyasha are with him now, let's get the herbs and help!"

Rin moved with Kaede, not bothering to change into her normal kimono from her lighter one to sleep in, and ran out of the hut. A few minutes later, and the sixteen year old Rin made it to the hut holding the injured and burst in, Kaede a ways behind her. The first person she saw was Inuyasha, standing by the door giving his mate some space. She looked up at him.

"Where is he?"

After moving out of the way to the village man, Inuyasha let the smart and helpful women work. Rin met with Kagome who was already attending to the poor person, with big gashes on his arms, legs, moaning as he couldn't even move.

Kagome was the first to speak.

"It happened before we arrived, a bear demon came out of nowhere to the fields. This gardener tried to fend him off, only to be swiped into a tree nearby. I fear his left arm and shoulder is broken."

The man moaned some incoherent words, but out of the murmurs they both heard "I'm sorry."

"Hush," Kagome soothingly said, "You were brave, you did nothing wrong."

Rin handed a Kagome an herb to try and heal some of the smaller wounds as she tended to his arm. After putting a brace on him and wrapping his wounds, they left him to rest and walked out with Inuyasha. He let his sadder feelings of guilt show.

"I should have gotten there earlier, or at least have smelt his presence."

Kagome looked at her husband, "Inuyasha, please, we were both sleeping when we heard the villagers yelling, there was no possible way to know, love."

Inuyasha wrapped his arm around her and kissed the crown of her head.

"I know, but sometimes I still feel to blame." He sighed as he whispered into her hair. "So much for waking up peacefully."

Kagome chuckled, "Trust me; we will have many more peaceful mornings." She looked over at Rin, who was wearing a melancholy expression on her face. "What's wrong? If it is about the villager, he will be fine, we will both be checking up on him throughout the day, right?"

Rin looked over, and in Kagome's eyes were pure concern, but somewhat knowing. She masked her sadness. "Oh I know, I'm fine…just tired."

Kagome and Inuyasha didn't look like they believed that, but they went along with it.

"Why don't you come over for lunch after you finish with some of your morning duties, Rin? I'll be with Miroku in the next town over; apparently they have been experiencing weird appearances by something."

"Yes," Kagome added, "I would glad if you came; we haven't really talked in forever!"

Rin agreed, and told the sweet couple she'd be there in a few hours. After they split up, she started her way off to one of her favorite places: the meadow in the middle of Inuyasha's Forest to collect some more herbs. She took one last glance at the happy and oddly matched couple, the look of exhaustion and loneliness apparent upon her face.

She couldn't help but feel longingly for what they had, a deep true romance, passionate and eternal, and thought that everyone should be able to feel it, too.


	2. Thoughts

The meadow was her favorite place of all places to be, and discovered it within the first week she was left in the village for five whole years. First off, it was hidden; it took an awful long time to get there, it was a wonder she found it to begin with. All Rin could really remember was running off, feeling angry, incredibly sad and abandoned when Sesshomaru left her at the village and refused to let her continue the journey with her lord. She ran away, tears pouring down her soft delicate cheeks until she came across this beautiful place a little bit before dusk, deep within the forest. It was surrounded by large, fuller trees and had the most extraordinarily alluring stream running through it from the inside of the forest, weaving around the side of the plain, and then back into it, to where only Kami knew. In it flowed the purest water she had ever seen, as blue as the sky during whichever time of day it was running under. An amazing place untouched and left alone…similar to Rin herself in a way.

She sat down by the river, trying to push those painful thoughts away, but only more ran through her vast mind. All of them having one person in common, her own reason to live, as well as the reason she is still alive now: Lord Sesshomaru.

Rin was always conflicted about her feelings for him, at first, she thought of him mainly as a paternal figure, someone older, wiser, and stronger. However, starting when he left her, her feelings started to drastically change. Rin hated it when he left her, she felt like she lost a tremendous part of her heart whenever he left, and gained it back when he visited her. His gifts were nice, beautiful in fact, but she would trade all of it away just to be able to leave with him again. She didn't know much about life, but she certainly knew that he was the only thing she wanted out of it.

But life somehow decided to hold out on her, so for the meantime, Rin would help Kaede, learn from her, and help whoever needed her. It was the duty she carelessly gave herself, but she would do it with oh so much care, even if some of it was to get her mind off of Sesshomaru. Then her thoughts drifted towards Inuyasha and Kagome. The sweetest couple most knew, only to be followed by Miroku and Sango. They both fought demons, cared for the sick, and were incredibly kind… well… at least Kagome is, but Inuyasha's intentions were always pure. She remembered when she just saw Kagome back from her long three year separation. She looked _so happy, _just to be with the love of her life that she had to fight so hard for. She even looked weary, probably from those three years away from him.

Rin knew the exhaustion and weariness that came from being separated from someone you truly cared about.

In fact, Rin feared very much becoming an emotionless void that just went on doing what she did before, like ants in a way (or even Kanna). Sometimes it seemed she needed to be saved again, only permanently this time.

Slowly, Rin came out of her sad reverie and looked around. Everything was so much at peace; nature was so calm, although her heart was deeply conflicted with turmoil. She thought, nature doesn't think or contemplate, it just flows with life, and just does, and no matter what happens, it always endures and is content. _It's content._

She couldn't help but feel the tiniest bit of envy at the tranquility of this area. She closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and let the fresh air soothe her soul, since nothing else would at the moment. Her eyes opened to reveal all of her loneliness, her want, her need; it was all pouring out of her chocolate orbs. She worked hard to mask it in front of others, but the last thing she needed was people pitying her, or not understanding and putting her down, people these days were like that, not everyone was a Kagome.

Rin spent the next hour there, day dreaming, drifting, and wishing until she decided to go back to Kaede to deliver the herbs she set out for. Once she returned, she checked on the injured village man again, and started to leave once more for Inuyasha and Kagome's hut for lunch, bringing along with her some vegetables and fruit from the gardens.

* * *

Inuyasha and Kagome shared a hut along the far outskirts of the village, where they could easily and quickly get to the village in times of urgency, but have a lot of privacy for their growing family. The hut was placed by the river near Inuyasha's forest, the area almost as beautiful as Rin's personal sanctuary. _A life everyone dreams about,_ Rin thought.

As she was nearing the hut, Rin spotted Kagome outside walking towards her. Rin could just barely see the unevenness in Kagome's step; she was, after all, two months pregnant with her first child. Rin ran the rest of the way to her and walked back to the hut.

"You shouldn't be walking too much, Kagome!"

To which she laughed and replied, "I'm pregnant, not dying."

As they entered the hut and sat down, preparing their lunch, Kagome looked over at Rin, smiling politely.

"So, how are things? We haven't really talked in a long time, I'm curious to see how you are."

Rin smiled back, "Things are alright, I have just been so busy lately, I barely get time to breathe nowadays."

"I understand, you do so much for the village, you need to start taking care of yourself! It's obvious you are starting to become tired…sometimes I find you drifting away. I am getting worried." When Kagome finished, she looked at Rin almost as if she was trying to look into her soul.

Rin took a deep breath, she knew she was drifting away from everything; it won't be long until she closed herself up emotionally. "I am fine, but you do just as much work as I do, perhaps more, how do you relax? Perhaps I should get a hut out here too, it seems to work." Rin said, trying to laugh it off.

Kagome chuckled, "I suppose Inuyasha has a thing or two to do about it…" She had a dreamy look in her eyes, "And I like helping out those who need me, too, it doesn't feel like too much work for me, but people do give me a break of course, it's nothing compared to what you go through. How about you? Kaede tells me about all of the marriage offers you have turned down. No one you like?"

That one caught Rin by surprise, every marriage offer she did get she has turned down, she just hasn't found anyone she truly loved. She also, for some reason, would feel guilty if she married someone. It was odd how Lord Sesshomaru kept popping in her mind.

She replied simply, "No. I just don't want to be involved with someone I don't love, you know?"

Kagome gave a knowing smile, "Yes, very wise of you."

They were silent for a minute, when suddenly Rin asked, "How do you know if you love someone?"

Kagome stopped and put her drink down, clearly surprised at the question, and took a little while to think. After a minute or two, she smiled and said, "It's hard to explain, ineffable really… It starts with a feeling of deep care for that person, as you grow to know them more and more, you like them more and more too. Whenever they're around, you get this nervous but happy feeling inside your belly, and especially when they pay special attention to you. When you always crave for them to look at you, even touch you, and finally…when you absolutely know that there is no way to live without them by your side… and when you want them to love you back."

Rin was taken aback by her words, words of such passion; it was now more than ever she wanted to be in love just like Kagome. She wanted that feeling so much, a love that was eternal, and that would never sever, even through death. It was a dream, but the answer to all of her needs.

After she left Kagome's home, she went back to Kaede's hut and did the rest of her chores, half heartily, thinking about everything that happened, and that could happen. Rin found it very strange that she did have some of those feelings with someone, and during that reveal that meant so much to her, that same person was on her mind, and still is.

But what could that mean?


	3. Midnight

Everything was still.

Silent, all was tranquil save the soft blows of cool wind that blew across the trees and the grass and through her hair. All things were peaceful outside the mind.

She was in her sanctuary again, and everything belonged to the night right now. At first, when she was a child, Rin hated the nighttime, it was always so dark and frightening to her, but now, she loved the beautiful midnight sky, and everything it brought. It was a time of fantasy, hope and wishing, while the day brought on a reality she no longer wanted to face.

She sighed, shutting her eyes, a lone tear sliding down her soft, pale cheeks. The dark, but luminous midnight blue cool water flowing beside her only made the softest of noises, such a beautiful calm sound, a lullaby to Rin. She then lied down on the grass next to the river and stared up at the stars, wondering if Sesshomaru was looking up at them too.

Rin desperately wanted to be with him, yes, but did that mean she loved him? Such a powerful emotion, but everything she felt was for him, and without him she was nothing, isn't that what Kagome described love to be? Everything… it grew so confusing. She shook her head, trying to rid herself of such sad and wearisome thoughts.

It didn't help.

What if she did love him, but he didn't love her back? She knew how he felt about humans, but he never treated her like he did others. No… he always treated her different. She felt special and happy most importantly. Perhaps though she was just a young ward to him, and nothing more… of course he needed a demon mate to be with, if he ever achieved his dream power and empire, no one would respect him with a human wife. So there would be no point. But wait a minute! She didn't even know if she loved him or not!

Rin let out a frustrated huff.

She needed to get over these thoughts before she went insane, inside and out. At this rate, it wouldn't be long now…

Dear Kami, if only Lord Sesshomaru was actually there for her to ask, not that she would have the guts or anything anyway.

…This was going to be a long night.

* * *

Sesshomaru looked out from behind the trees to the human girl he cared so much about. But she was no longer a simple girl, no; she was now a beautiful woman. Silent and graceful, he hid in the trees, watching over her, a hobby he took part in for more times than he cared to admit. He will 'visit' her in the morning, but for now, he was content with watching, seeing her mixed emotions flash through her eyes.

It was a wonder, what could have possibly changed inside him to care about a girl belonging to such a pathetic species? What was so attracting about her, and most importantly, how did he feel towards her? He, the great Lord Sesshomaru, never really thought about feelings such as love, and never really wondered about getting a mate, so what was Rin to him? Up until recently, well… until he saved Rin really… he considered silly emotions like that to be non-important, useless for the power he so desperately wanted to gain. He could no longer say truthfully that she was just a young pathetic girl to him, she was now a strong, wild woman who he held close to his heart, and he missed her being with him.

He couldn't be selfish though, he had to let her see the choices that were out there for her, the different life she could lead, and then maybe she'll come back to him, if he's lucky.

He saw her huff.

Sesshomaru held in a chuckle, he could feel the frustration pouring out of her aura. He wondered what could possibly cause such feelings, was she thinking the same thoughts as he? The doubt, uncertainty, and insanity were driving him mad, and he asked himself if it was doing the same to her.

_Father,_ he mused,_ are these the same thoughts that crossed your mind once, a long time ago?_


	4. Meeting

It wasn't until very late when Rin snuck back into the hut Kaede let her live in. She was still feeling a bit melancholy, but almost instantly fell asleep and surrendered to her inner conscience.

'…_Where am I? ... It is so dark… I cannot see a thing…_

_The blackness…the silence..._

…_the air…_

…_everything, it grows so cold…'_

_She looked around, sticking her arms out, trying to feel for something, anything, that would show her that she is still alive, that the world is still under her. After about a minute without luck, she brought her knees up below her chin and wrapped her arms around her legs, her safe position as she used to call it._

'_Will the rest of my life be as dark as this place? I cannot live like this.'_

'_Then you don't have to.' She suddenly heard a strangely familiar voice coming out of the darkness. Rin did not bother asking who it was, for she knew, she always knew._

'_Why are you here?' She asked the voice._

_It responded, 'Why are you?'_

_Out of a burst of frustration, Rin jumped up suddenly, 'I don't know why I'm here! It's not like I want to be here… I don't even know what I want anymore.'_

'_Yes you do.'_

_Rin let out an annoyed huff._

_The voice started again, 'Deep inside, you know the answer, you know who you are and you know what you want.'_

_Rin was silent, thinking about it, her anger slowly leaving and being replaced by loneliness._

'_What is it that you desire the most?'_

_She sat back down, her voice scarcely a whisper, 'I want to be happy, I want to leave here, and I want to be with the one I care about the most, and be with him forever…'_

'…_and who is that, Rin?'_

'…_you…'_

She woke up slowly as the sunlight seeping in through the hut shone through her closed eyes. She let out a sigh and got up slowly, sitting against the wall, thinking. _My dream… why is everything so confusing… or is it still?_

Rin got up and started to make breakfast, to find that it was already made and ready. _How long was I asleep?_

"Good to see you're awake now." Kaede walked in the room, smiling. "You looked like you were in too deep a sleep to want to be woken, and I thought I'd give you a break, you've been working hard lately."

Rin bowed her head, "Thank you, Lady Kaede, I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry, dear, you deserve a good sleep, you still look exhausted in fact."

"…It was just a weird dream, nothing to worry about. I suppose I'll get dressed and check on the injured man."

Kaede started to clean up the food after they were finished, "Alright."

From all of her thinking and especially her most recent dream, Rin decided to wear her favorite kimono that day. It was dark blue with beautiful, wise, silver dragons flying across the bottom. Sesshomaru gave it to her a few months ago, and when she put it on, it made her feel beautiful, even everybody else complimented how it accentuated her body, and the color contrast against her hair made it look even livelier than usual. Of course Sesshomaru didn't even see her in it; he left almost instantly after giving it to her.

Once she finished dressing herself, she left the hut to the one with the injured men in it further into the village. During the walk, she greeted the villagers, helped an elder into his house, and even played a short game with the children, laughing at how adorable they were. She always loved children; they were so carefree, and so easily amused.

Once she got to the special hut, she walked around and helped some of the other sick and injured, too. She rewrapped the village man's bandages and after about an hour left to pick more herbs in her favorite spot again.

Rin loved walking through the forest as well; she was a sucker for anything natural, really. She arrived to the meadow after short walk and started to put herbs and flowers that were always there into her basket she brought along with her. Everything was peaceful there as usual, until she heard a familiar and elegant voice.

"I suppose you like doing everything by yourself."

Rin whipped around to see the tall graceful inu youkai standing about fifteen feet behind her, an eyebrow raised.

"I do not believe any one of those humans or even Inuyasha and the miko know you are here. If something were to happen to you, I hope you know I would be forced to kill Inuyasha for letting that happen."

"Lord Sesshomaru!"

Rin ran to him, giving him a big hug. Usually Sesshomaru would hate that and close himself off, but ever since he left her here and only visits from time to time, he has gotten quite used to the acts of affection Rin would give him when she saw him. Not that he would admit it to anyone, but he even enjoyed it.

When she pulled apart from him (a bit reluctantly) he looked her over. She was in the kimono he gave her, and it did look great on her. She certainly grew into even more of a woman; she was as tall as his chin now as well. She was beautiful.

She smiled her gorgeous smile, "I missed you."

He was silent, the conflicting emotions running rampant in his mind.

She went on, "How is everything?"

He was forced to answer now, "Everything is going well, Rin, and yourself?"

Her smile lessened a bit, which didn't go unnoticed by Sesshomaru. "Things are alright, tough at times, but alright."

Rin looked into his copper orbs, she would always get lost in his eyes, as he would hers. She saw some emotion in them, which was weird enough, usually he hid everything, if he even had emotion, but she knew he did. She saw deep care, confliction, pain (?), and something else…

He saw mainly a sadness and weariness that seemed to go deeper within. He remembered her sigh the night before, and even remembered a tear sliding down her face. _What is it that is bringing her down, is it similar to my conflictions?_

His inner demon was screaming to have her as his mate. It seemed that the older she got, the less time who could visit her before he needed to leave. His deep care for her got in the way, how did he feel about her? Yes, she was just a human, but not just any human. No…she changed his heart…brought it out… and now he was hurting her in return.

He needed to leave before he took her against her will, he needed to control himself before things got out of hand.

"I must leave."

The sadness grew even deeper in Rin's eyes as she stepped closer, ready to tackle him if necessary to make him stay.

"Wait! Don't leave, you only just got here!"

Sesshomaru turned around facing his back to her, "I cannot stay here, Rin, I'll be around though for a little while."

He turned his face to the left so he can partially see her, the pain pouring out from her as well as himself. He left right after that, back into the depths of the forest.

As soon as he left, Rin broke down weeping in the middle of the meadow, her thoughts, her sorrow, her loneliness going insane.

One thought was on both of their minds,

_What's happening to me?_

_

* * *

_

_Thank you everyone whose reading this story, the quote in Rin's dream that said how you know who you are and such… that is one of my favorite quotes from Lao Tzu, I only wish I could be that wise!_

_CelestialAngelOfSorrow_


	5. Revelations

She dropped the basket on the grass without a second thought and started running, sprinting off into the forest the opposite way she came.

Rin didn't know where else to go, what else to do, she couldn't handle it anymore, _the sadness was overwhelming…_

So she did not go back to the village, to Kaede, nobody would understand anything…except perhaps one person…

A few minutes later and suddenly the forest ended, bringing her to a soft stream, to her right a clearing. She ran out scratched from the trees, tears pouring down her cheeks when suddenly she heard a soft giggling.

She whipped around to face Inuyasha and Kagome by the riverside in front of their hut, where they were enjoying each other's company, laughing in one another's arms about something, and hushed whispers could be heard. Rin couldn't stop weeping, her body wracked with sobs as she collapsed on the ground, and both Kagome and Inuyasha's heads whipped up towards her.

"Rin!" Kagome called as they both rushed over to her, although she could barely see them.

From the sobbing they could both distinctly hear "I'm sorry, so sorry…" coming from her bent position, her body radiating sorrow.

Inuyasha carefully brought her up, the couple worrying profusely. They both looked at each other with concerned glances before Kagome spoke.

"Rin, what's wrong, tell me, are you alright?"

Through the sobs Rin kept her head down, her hands cradling it as she spoke.

"…No…I…I can't do this anymore…I'm sorry, but …I didn't know who else to go to… he…he left me…"

Inuyasha looked confused as did Kagome, although she had the tiniest of inklings about who she was talking about.

They could hear another whisper, barely audible.

"He always leaves me."

Kagome carefully pulled her hands down from her face and pulled back her messy hair that was covering it.

"Who, Rin, who are you talking about?" Although she already knew…

"…Sesshomaru…"

Inuyasha whispered his name again in complete shock.

"Sesshomaru?"

Kagome gave him a knowing look, and he understood, still shocked, but he understood.

"What happened with him, did you two meet up?" Kagome asked softly.

Rin nodded her head, "He met me in the meadow, and he wasn't even there a minute before it seemed he ran away…"

A burst a fury came from her, "It's NOT fair! He always leaves me! Leaves me alone, barely ever comes, doesn't he know how much he means to me? …Do I mean anything to him?"

The rage suddenly left her, leaving her exhausted, she grew…so weary… weary of everything…couldn't she have something go right? Anything? Was she bound to this? Would Kami let her stand in this life alone?

Kagome pulled her in for a hug.

"I'm sure you mean so much to him, Rin. You changed his heart completely, because of you; it seems he even grew a heart."

It was then Inuyasha joined in.

"Yea Rin, I mean, before you came along, Sesshomaru was an emotionless, power hungry, stubborn, jack ass who didn't care about anything ever at all-"

Kagome cut him off.

"Until he saved your life and started to care, started to transform. Rin, I'm sure you mean more than the world to him."

Rin nodded in the hug her tears slowly started to fade.

"Why can he not show it? Is he too afraid to show emotion, even in front of me? Is it because he can't stand a mere human being around him anymore? I couldn't live knowing that… Does he not even trust me?"

She took a short breath; a few more tears leave her chocolate orbs…

"I don't want to leave the rest of my life without him by my side…I am nothing without him…I…I…"

Kagome cut in softly, "You what?"

"I LOVE HIM!" She let all of her frustrations, her short comings, her sorrow, everything poured out of her with this realization… she loved him… Rin pieced it together in her head… somehow; she knew it all along…

Kagome smiled knowingly, "I had a feeling you did."

Inuyasha was just surprised throughout this whole thing; he was bad with this kind of stuff, well, any type of telling signs save everything about Kagome he wasn't to great at. But he smiled despite it, _My brother…loving someone… a mere human too? Heh, the bastard… _He mused.

Rin took a deep breath, and Kagome let her go, still holding on to her shoulders supportingly, and smiled.

"Rin and Sesshomaru, a lovely pairing," she mused, "So, Rin, what will you do now?"

Rin looked down, "Should I tell him? What if he refuses me, than I would have ruined everything…?"

Kagome tilted her chin back up towards her, "If you do not tell him, there is no way of knowing whether he truly loves you back."

Rin nodded her head, agreeing with her, but still so worried, what if he leaves her forever?

After another moment, she nodded her head again, hugged Kagome and Inuyasha and thanked them, and started to move her way back into the forest.

She could barely hear Kagome say, "A romance made for the story books, much like ours, my love…"


	6. One Night

"_I will be around though, for a short while."_

She loved him. Rin loved Sesshomaru, with all her heart. Deep down, it seemed she always knew, but is it worth the risk? If she told him, and he rejected her, any relationship they _did_ have would be ruined forever. Then Rin really wouldn't be able to go on.

She was slowly walking through the forest back to the meadow; most of her tears were dried on her face, and in her eyes glimmered a mixture of emotions. Apprehension, hope, love, fear, everything was visible through her eyes, if one cared enough to really see. Her thoughts were running wild in her mind.

'_It doesn't matter, as long as you're happy, right?_

_Right, but I'm not…so…'_

She looked up slightly to see the moon rising just above the trees, the sky a very dark beautiful blue. She would tell him, and leave the rest to Kami, or destiny, even luck? _Kami, please give me strength…_

After a few minutes, when Rin thought her mind would explode and she would run away and try to forget everything, she was back at the meadow. Standing right next to the stream, she looked down into it to find her reflection staring back up at her. She sighed, she had been doing that a lot lately, but now was really the make it or break it moment. Rin desperately wanted him to love her back, to hold her, caress her…kiss her. She really needed to tell him now.

Trying to gain as much confidence, elegance, and strength as she could, she moved to the center of the clearing and looked around, her hands tucked in her sleeves. Rin knew he was there, somewhere, watching her, would he come out?

Suddenly she heard a slight movement from behind her, and could feel his aura. _He's here._

She turned around slowly; moving her head first followed by her body and laid eyes on her one true love.

He was beautiful, standing in his gracefulness, never showing a moment's weakness. His eyes showed her everything, how she wished he could tell her he loved her. His copper orbs pierced her brown doe ones, saying so much more than words could describe.

She whispered his name, but with his demon senses, he heard it all too clear, "Lord Sesshomaru…"

He began to walk towards her, with every step she grew more nervous and scared.

Once Sesshomaru was only a step away from her, he put a clawed hand on her chin and lifted it slightly to meet his eyes.

She couldn't look away.

He spoke softly, "What is it that you fear?"

_You rejecting me._

Rin grew some courage as her voice grew from a whisper to still a soft voice on the verge of breaking.

"Why did you leave me earlier, only to come back the same night?"

His eyes widened a bit, and he dropped his hand slowly as he began, "Rin,-"

"No. Lord Sesshomaru, every time you leave me, part of my heart leaves with you. I have grown… sadder here," she looked away and down at the ground, "lonely. My once carefree spirit has been replaced by something more melancholy and every single time I watch you go off again, I wish I didn't have to."

She took a slight pause, Sesshomaru was speechless for once, he wanted her to go on, and so she did.

Her voice was slightly wavering at this point; tears were starting to fall again.

"I…I don't know whether you care about me or not, or you don't want me near you anymore, or… but nonetheless I cannot survive this life without your presence. I don't know how you'll react, or if you'll leave me forever, but I can no longer deny it."

She looked back into his eyes.

"I love you."

A minute felt like eternity. For a minute they were silent, looking into each other's eyes. Rin was waiting for a response, trying to look into his soul through his widened eyes, she looked down at his lips slightly parted, he was trying to come up with something.

For the first time in his life, Lord Sesshomaru didn't know what to do.

After that too long to count minute, Rin looked away as her eyes poured out more sorrow.

_He rejected me._

She started to turn to leave when suddenly she felt strong arms grasp her waist and pull her face to face with Sesshomaru. Her confusion stared him straight in the face as he placed his hand on her cheek, wiping away her tears with his thumb. His hand move to cup the back of her head, she leant into it and parted her lips.

Then he kissed her.

It was her first kiss, but an amazing kiss, and after a quick moment of shock, she kissed him back. The moon was over their heads just above the tree tops, the pure light coming from it illuminated their silhouetted figures, the reflection coming off from the water.

He pulled her closer, if that was even possible, his need driving his actions as he deepened the kiss, Rin allowing it completely. Everything that they have been feeling, the loneliness, the sorrow, the untimely pain that seemed to consume them, everything, seemed to fade away from them with that one intense kiss, a kiss that expressed all feelings.

After an eternity of bliss, the kiss finally ended, and Rin hugged him, and clasped his back, laughing while tears still fell. Tears of joy, she finally won, she won her prize, and she now had her reason to live in her arms. Happiness didn't even begin to explain how she felt.

Sesshomaru took her in his arms bridal style and laid her on the ground. Her arms were bent and her hands were next to her face, her hair splayed around her head like a black halo. Sesshomaru bent down and lied next to her, acting as a wall to the rest of the world, as he placed his hand backed on her cheek and stroked it softly. To him, she was a goddess that no woman could ever hope to compete with. His lips turned into a smile as he wrapped one leg around hers and bent down for another kiss. After he lifted his face from hers, but only by a few inches, she sighed in bliss and happily stared into his eyes; she never wanted to look away again.

He chuckled, possibly the first type of laugh he ever had, and spoke in his silky voice the first words since her reveal.

"You are so beautiful, Rin. You changed me forever, and I won't be able to spend the rest of my life without you by my side. I love you too, Rin."

She laughed a little, beyond ecstatic about what he said. But she did have her concerns, how could he live with her if she was just a mere human? She spoke her thoughts out loud.

"But I'm just a human, nothing compared to you."

Her insecurities drove him mad sometimes; he followed his instincts and put his arms around her, laid flat on the ground and pulled Rin on top of him.

"Rin, don't say such silly things, you are more than any demoness could hope to be, you are not just a mere human to me."

She smiled a warm smile and kissed him again, everything felt like a dream now, like reality wasn't pulling her down anymore. She was in heaven.

She whispered his name, "Lord Sesshomaru…"

He shook his head, "No, I'm not your lord anymore, it's just Sesshomaru now."

Her smile stayed as she said his name without the title, just "Sesshomaru."

Kami, he loved the way she said his name, like an angel's voice. She felt the same way with his voice. She gave her adorable huff as she rested her chin on his chest.

"So," Rin asked, "what do we do now?"

He looked around and sighed, "Nothing, for now, just stay in my arms."

So she did.

They fell asleep that way.


	7. Looking Back

_It was the middle of the night._

_I would have stayed in bed, but my mind was too busy, thinking, remembering, reminiscing through old feelings and wants that were swimming in my mind. At the same time, it is hard to forget what made you who you are, no matter how hard you tried to forget the pain that shaped you, changed you, and transformed everything around you._

_Deep down, I wouldn't even want to._

_I left our chambers and took a walk through the enormous buildings of grey stone that was the castle, the cut-glass windows reflecting the moonlight on the cool stone underneath my bare feet. Everything was always at peace this time of night; I went with the tranquility and calm as I walked slowly, my long, beautiful dark blue sleep kimono trailing behind me as I walked. Everything seemed too perfect._

_I left my tiny silver headdress that symbolized my stature on my dresser back in the bedroom, for some reason, I felt like it didn't fit me, at least, not tonight. Tonight I wanted to remember the old Rin, with only the small ratty orange and yellow dress she always wore, the Rin that was too carefree to realize her desire._

_After a walk that felt too short to have happened, I arrived at the large balcony that overlooked the land we ruled._

_I put my hands on the railing and closed my eyes, taking a deep breath, allowing everything to sink in._

_All of the struggles and triumphs, the fear and apprehension, the uncontainable desire…_

_Everything felt like it just happened, a mixture of feelings I will never forget._

_Three years ago, just replayed itself. Has it really been that long?_

_Three years it has been since I confessed my feelings to Sesshomaru, three years it has been since I felt loneliness and true pain, three years to the day it has been since I last wept at my sanctuary._

_I have learned that places and events are no more permanent than the people who live in it. Only deep feelings and connections transcend through time._

_Even when I go back and visit the places I used to call my temporary home, it feels almost foreign. I am still welcomed back by everyone, still help around the village like the ordinary girl I used to be, for being selfless will never grow old._

_Three years back, when all I cared about was Sesshomaru (who is still really all I care about); little had I know that all of this was waiting for me here._

_Our marriage and mating confirmed my everlasting happiness, being with my one true love._

_I lift my hand and feel the bite mark on my neck, the one that matches Kagome's almost, that made our bond. Because of this, I now live the same life span as my husband, similar to Kagome's as well._

_Everything I had ever wanted appeared to me when I had enough sorrow to fill my heart, but enough emptiness to deplete it. When I was no longer afraid of death like I was when I was younger, for everything leaves this world for the next at some point. When I realized my heart's one desire, and when I wanted it more than anything. When I was too afraid to admit my feelings, in fear of exposure._

_When I was so close to becoming that void._

_When Sesshomaru saved me from that terrible fate._

_And now here I am, prosperous in both love, and even something that I never bothered to care about, riches and power._

_Now I am the Lady of the Western Lands. Now my husband is crowned Lord, and his empire is built, his own small desire before I had come along._

_I try to be a good ruler, fair, and kind, and urge Sesshomaru to do the same. He does, simply because I want him to probably. The unlimited respect I had gained from the demons was at first unsettling, beforehand, they probably would have tried to eat me. Strange the way things work. As previously mentioned, absolutely non permanent._

_Another example, I thought, was how in nineteen years I went from big family Rin, to orphaned Rin and barely surviving, to not surviving, to be alive again, and to falling in love with the one who saved me. Life is undoubtedly nothing of we expect, if we were fool enough to expect in the first place._

_My mind grows weary, once more, from over thinking, is that a tear I feel rolling down my cheek?_

_It really is sad, looking back at everything, missing some things, but knowing that you really are glad everything worked out._

_Now I think, well, life can be simple, and it can be confusing, but in the end, they combine. Who is to draw the line between simple and hard, insanity and sanity, good and evil? Everything is connected, so just allow all of the conflicting emotions to run through you, feel the exhilaration. And then keep living your life. It's the best we all can do._

_I sigh again, when suddenly I hear light footsteps behind me and strong arms wrap around my waist. He rests his head on my shoulder, and I lean my head on his. I love the feeling of being in his arms; it is one of the best. In his embrace, I feel so loved, something I've always wanted to feel. I can no longer help myself, so I turn slightly and kiss his perfect lips, he happily returns it. The ends of my lips tilt upwards into a never ending smile, and he chuckles into the kiss. When we reluctantly break apart, he speaks in his beautiful silky voice._

"_I heard you get up, is everything alright?"_

_I answer, "Yes, my love, everything's fine, I just couldn't sleep."_

_He looked worried for a moment, "No?"_

"_No, just too busy thinking about everything, how everything has changed."_

_He smiles, "Oh yeah? And how do you think things have turned out?"_

_I smile back and give him a peck on the cheek._

"_Pretty damn amazing, and you?"_

"_Pretty damn amazing."_

_I turn completely around to face him, "I love you Sesshomaru, so much."_

_I get lost in his copper orbs as he says, "I love you too, koi."_

_Sesshomaru hugs me and I lay my head against his chest, absolutely content. We stay that way for a little while longer._

_Finally, he turns me back around against him, and places his gentle hand on my swollen belly._

"_Come, we should go back to bed, the baby's getting tired."_

_I put my hand over his, "So is the baby's mother."_

_We start to leave, when at the entrance of the balcony, I look back out into the night covered lands._

_And then I remembered something I thought a long time ago; yes, everybody should be able to feel this, because in life it is the only thing that survives._

_

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_

_Thank you so very much to all of those who read this story, posted reviews and such, it makes me really happy! I didn't want to overdo it or anything, so I kinda created an epilogue; sorry for the lack of warning. Please Forgive Me, but thanks again to everyone!_

_CelestialAngelOfSorrow_


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